The Earth is round. Barack Obama is an American citizen. Vaccines are good for your children. These are all things that have been drilled into our brains since school age, as ordered by the nation’s government in their efforts to keep the common man ignorant and unaware. Despite recent studies debunking all of the aforementioned myths, they are still widely recognized as “obviously true” and “having little reason to even question them”. And because public opinion is constantly being swayed by government workers going undercover as real people, it’s easy to feel invalidated and burdened by the truth.
Luckily, the internet contains a wealth of unbiased information. We anonymous online folk know the real truth; the Earth is flat, Obama is a Mexican, vaccines contain liquid autism and Hillary Clinton has a penis. What I’m here to tell you today is something you might not have even heard mention of yet, and might not again, should the government ever manage to track my IP address…But the truth is something that I will fight for, no matter the cost. Here is what the government never wanted you to know:
Rhode Island is not a real state.
That’s right. What you’ve been taught all throughout school about this innocent little square on our map wasn’t actually real at all. You may be thinking to yourself, “What? I have a cousin from Rhode Island,” or “My friend just moved there.” Unfortunately, you’ve been lied to.
Think about this rationally. Have you ever heard any news stories pertaining to Rhode Island? Have you been there yourself? What is the name of their football team off the top of your head? You can’t name it. That’s because it doesn’t exist.
If you look up “Rhode Island”, you’re sure to get search results planted by the government in case anyone gets too curious. But look at these results very carefully. All of them contain .gov URLs or are basic facts about Rhode Island, as though hastily thrown together in an attempt to seem legit.
Now look up New York. Notice anything different? Top stories, hotels, best restaurants, all things indicative of a real, inhabited state. Same goes for California or Texas, or any other non fictitious American territory. That’s right, folks. Rhode Island is a farce. Use this image to help understand:
“But what about my friends/family from Rhode Island?” you may ask. It’s time to get new friends/family, because all the people in your life who claim they’re from RI? They “R” lying. They are incognito government workers sent to brainwash you into believing falsities and to keep you from ever going there yourself. Ever notice how Rhode Island is said to be around Connecticut and Massachusetts? That’s because both of those states border New York, which would be the go-to place for travel or vacation so that they don’t get too curious about the state that’s supposedly right by them.
The reason why a fake state would be ingrained in our minds is fairly obvious. America’s image fails to be as powerful with only 49 states instead of 50, and Rhode Island is controlled by the government as an extension of Washington D.C., meaning it gains a state’s worth of votes in its own favor. I was also personally affected by this conspiracy when the memorization of not 49 but 50 states caused me to flunk my USA geography quiz in 6th grade, which I am certain was conducted by an undercover agent posing as our hag social studies teacher.
So what should we do about this revelation? The short answer: stand for the truth. When anyone makes mention of the 50 states, remind them that it’s only 49. If they question you further, be cautious. They might also be undercover. Should any of your friends ever suggest moving to Rhode Island, strongly advise them against it as they will probably uncover the truth and be killed. In order to undo their brainwashing and save their lives, you might have to restrain them and lock them in a closet with a recording that affirms “Rhode Island is not real” until they agree and choose a different location. They will thank you for this later.
Remember to always be proactive and look out for lies or misconceptions. Please join me next week for my upcoming blog post, “Lost City of Atlanta Found in Georgia.”
-Jordan Linderer
Ms. Harner's EN100 Blog 
Wow… My mind has been completely blown out of my ears. I have heard many conspiracy theories but never one like this. It seems fascinating and begs to be investigated. I just do not wish to become a target of a government hit man/woman. I feel conflicted on this fact, but maybe the government will come clean someday. Or maybe they’ll change it when they make Puerto Rico a state. The only thing that stumps me is the length record of Rhode Island that extends back before most other states in the country?
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