By Kade Groh

That’s right. Something big is happening in the tech world, and it involves some apparent efforts from China. Or does it? If a nuclear missile busts through the skies to deliver us a hearty helping of communism, don’t come crying to me when you’re stuck flying a flag with a hammer and sickle from your car. Let’s move on, family.
There was recently an article reported by Bloomberg, and it basically said that some Chinese cyber agencies have somehow infiltrated supply chains of top tech companies (Google, Amazon, Apple, the big boys), and have inserted microchips no larger than a grain of rice into their database computers. Scary, right? This sounds like the shit movies are based off of. The kind of movie Tom Cruise stars in where he rides a bike, takes his shirt off, shoots a couple of bad dudes, then kills the main bad dude, then puts on some aviators before playing sand volleyball.

But wait, this sounds a bit fishy. How would it be THAT easy for a couple of computer-commies to break into some mostly (hopefully) secured process that us consumers don’t even get to see? We’ll get there, spaceman. I like the way you think. First, we have to touch base on the fact that these companies that apparently have been infiltrated carried out their own thorough investigations with internal equipment and protocols, and with other U.S. agencies as well. However, there’s one thing that doesn’t match up with the article: The companies and agencies found nothing.

Okay, so, what the hell gives? The companies and government dudes said they didn’t find anything, so why is this still an issue? Well, there are still a couple of other agency and corporate investigators still looking, and the scary thing is that they haven’t finished their cases, and their findings remain unreleased. Which means: the Chinese could have actually accomplished some super-badass mission on their part and stolen data from über valuable companies.

So this is either a super-stupid false report on Bloomberg’s end meant to stir the general public (the companies involved have already lost major stock value), or this is a legitimate thing that could have actually happened, and this could bring in a whole new stupid level of tension with the oppressive, communist and vibrantly-red China. Prepare yourselves, y’all. Either a bunch of data from your life just got sent to some remote bunker built on some innocent dude’s farm who earns a shitty government wage to be used as leverage, or we’re all being given the spooks for an early Halloween.
